My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
