i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
