I faked an abortion last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
