I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
