The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
