Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do herpes really smell.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
