wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
