I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
