just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
soo... how was my night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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