We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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