And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
