I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
