I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
