This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
