I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
