i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
