I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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