We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
