How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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