it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
