Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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