I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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