after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I smell like Dick and happiness
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
