My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
