how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
