so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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