fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
