theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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