I think my vagina is haunted
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
