come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
