8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
