god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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