Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
