i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
