Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
