You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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