well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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