if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize