We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
