I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
