I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
