I'm sorry my penis didn't work
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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