I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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