Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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