i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
