Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
