about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
