Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize