I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
