i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
