everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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