we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
