Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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