it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
3 2 1 whiskey
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
