yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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