i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
