Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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