Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
