we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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