After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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