Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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