Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
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Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?