Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.