plz talk dirty to me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
