I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
