How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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