so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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