she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
