me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
