We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize