that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize