Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
