I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
