she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
