Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You are the jesus of drinking
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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