It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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