Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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