i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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