They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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