Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
