How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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